:: Boy In Corner ::

:: Saturday, April 15, 2006 ::

So this was forwarded to me a while ago, and the poem below is my respone to reading this article.

A Brutal Scene Caught on Tape
A 21-minute recording of a sexual assault shattered lives in O.C.
By Christopher Goffard
Times Staff Writer

March 9, 2006

When Gregory Haidl pressed the "record" button on his Sony hand-held video camera four years ago, lives began to unspool.

The tape he produced fits easily in a shirt pocket. To law enforcement, what it depicted was luridly clear: the son of an Orange County assistant sheriff and two friends, all 17, sexually assaulting an unconscious teenage girl on a pool table in a Corona del Mar home. The 21 minutes of footage would visit wreckage, in ways direct and indirect, on many of the lives it touched. No one could have predicted its reach.

The accuser fell into the grip of methamphetamine. The girl who slipped the tape to police changed her name. Three of Orange County's most powerful lawmen saw their careers ended or battered. Three boys became men under the specter of hard time. And Friday, an Orange County Superior Court judge may finally send them to state prison.

"Everyone will suffer, and most of it is not calculable, except that it's enormous," said attorney John Barnett, who represents Kyle Nachreiner, one of the defendants. "That's sort of the definition of the classic Greek tragedy, where no one ends up ahead. Everyone loses, and I think that's where we are."

For a party in July 2002, skinny, fresh-faced Haidl gathered two teenage buddies and a 16-year-old restaurant hostess in the garage of his father's home. The girl drank too much, and according to descriptions of the video in court, the boys took turns on her limp body, using a pool cue, a cigarette and a Snapple bottle.

Prosecutors saw incontrovertible evidence of sexual assault, but defense attorneys argued that the tape told an entirely different story ? of a would-be porn actress who consented to an orgy and feigned unconsciousness for dramatic effect. At trial, a defense neurologist minutely analyzed the tape, saying the girl's movements showed her alertness. Jurors deadlocked, saying they found the evidence ambiguous. At the second trial, jurors convicted the three of sexual penetration, but not rape.

For the accuser, the ordeal was harrowing ? a four-year legal process during which defense attorneys picked through her sexual habits, cast her as a sexual predator, and put her ex-friends on the stand to characterize her as a chronic liar.

Though publicly known only as Jane Doe, the victim's identity was hardly a secret in Rancho Cucamonga, where she and the defendants lived. The defense dispatched investigators to check out her past. Fliers turned up in the neighborhood bearing her name and seeking information about her family.

She was forced to switch high schools. The lawyer representing her in a civil suit against the defendants, Sheldon Lodmer of Beverly Hills, said the case savaged her self-worth and drove her to drugs, culminating in her arrest in 2004 for methamphetamine possession.

She tried college but was too distraught to continue. "I don't even think she made it through a semester," Lodmer said. "The violation to her person that occurred ? that's not anything a woman, let alone a girl, should endure."

He said Jane Doe, now 20, went through drug rehabilitation and is holding down a part-time job. He said she would address the judge at Friday's sentencing.

After capturing the incident on his camera, Haidl left the tape at a house in Newport Beach being rented by some teenage acquaintances. Lindsay Picou, 18, the girlfriend of one of the renters, was so horrified by the footage that she sneaked it away in a towel, hid it in her car and later slipped it to a policeman.

"They knew there was a problem there, but they didn't want to do anything. They didn't want to be a rat," prosecutor Chuck Middleton said of the teenagers who watched the tape. "But Picou felt strongly enough about it that she did it."

Picou found herself vilified by supporters of the defendants. She moved away from home. She changed her name. "My daughter was raised in a Christian home and did what she's supposed to do, and for that, no deed goes unpunished," said a woman who identified herself as Picou's mother in a telephone interview. "It's been four years of hell."

Meanwhile, the defendants ? Haidl, Nachreiner and Keith Spann ? have grown into men in the glare of the national media, their faces maturing before millions while their frames filled out in jail scrubs. Haidl is now 20, Nachreiner and Spann 21.

Convicted last March for sexually assaulting the girl, they are now at the Orange County Jail. They will sit before Superior Court Judge Francisco Brise?o for sentencing Friday, where a prosecutor will ask for prison and their lawyers will plead for mercy. Haidl could face up to 18 years, Spann 16 and Nachreiner 14.

"This is a time in their lives when growth is exponential, and that makes it all the more tragic and troublesome," said defense attorney Barnett.

He characterized the case as unique, saying it involved teenagers from relatively ordinary families, no serious criminal records and a national media spotlight.

And not least, the explosive videotape. "You have a tape which is graphic and disturbing, and which is a reflection of a subculture that is really unknown to middle-class America," Barnett said.

Haidl's attorney, Al Stokke, said his client wants to study business when he leaves lockup. For now, he is being isolated from other inmates.

"He's the son of a police officer," Stokke said.

Spann's attorney, Peter Morreale, said his client was "relatively inexperienced socially" when the tape was made. "You're talking about a kid that's never been in trouble," he said. "Because of what happened when he was 17 years old, he is constantly a target."

The tape also rattled Orange County law enforcement at the highest levels. Assistant Sheriff Don Haidl ? Gregory's father, a millionaire who raised funds for Sheriff Michael S. Carona -- quit his law enforcement job in 2004 to devote attention to his son's trials.

Another assistant sheriff, George Jaramillo, invited prosecutors' scrutiny by his behavior in connection with the Haidl case. Days after the crime occurred, Newport Beach detectives arrived at Haidl's home to interview him and found Jaramillo present and in uniform. The Newport Beach police chief would accuse Jaramillo of encouraging Haidl's father not to permit his son to speak to police, thereby thwarting the investigation.

Jaramillo drew attention again in October 2003, when he tried to bury an incident in which deputies allegedly caught Haidl with marijuana. Eventually, Carona fired Jaramillo and prosecutors charged him with misusing public funds and conflict of interest involving an unrelated matter.

Carona himself has not been spared. In July 2002, the same month Haidl made his tape, Carona vaulted to national stardom in Republican circles after the successful hunt for the killer of 5-year-old Samantha Runnion. Since then, his political prospects have sagged under bad publicity and a raft of allegations ? including campaign funding irregularities and sexual harassment ? unleashed by Jaramillo's troubles.

Prosecutor Chuck Middleton said it would have been difficult to file charges against Haidl, Nachreiner and Spann if not for the tape. Without it, it would have been the word of Jane Doe against the defendants'.

"It just grows and grows," Middleton said of the lives upended by the case. "It's unbelievable to me. A lot of it is brought on by the defense. The way they went about it really destroyed some lives, the victim and her family. They'll never be the same."

The small tape that had such large implications could have easily been buried in a drawer or lost behind a couch.

"I'm sure the defense would've liked that to happen," Middleton said. "But it didn't."

Only a few people have viewed the tape. At trial, Judge Brise?o refused to let it be seen by the public, despite media entreaties. It rests under seal in a manila envelope in the judge's Santa Ana courtroom, among 17 volumes of court files and three boxes of exhibits.



JANE DOE
by Rick Kitagawa

They sing a song of a drug addict, a chronic liar, an aspiring porn star who wanted it,
Needed the attention, and enjoyed being
Fucked by a pool cue.
The papers weave a story of the “tragic” lives the “scandal” shattered, as these three 17 year-old boys from Orange County families with no prior criminal records have been unfairly stigmatized due to the 4 years of trial they have gone through,
Defending their name from being unjustly soiled as sexual predators because after all,
They just made a mistake,
And after all,
She wanted it.
Right?

But the story the papers told couldn’t fully express what SHE went through,
Having a cigarette, pool cue, and Snapple bottle invading her body while she lay
Passed out on a pool table.
The papers can’t show you the shame weighing down on her like the thousands of stares she got walking through her high school hallways.
The papers can’t show yout he anger and pain and frustration she went through having to sit for days listening to attorneys tell her it was her fault.

Because when your father is a millionaire, an assistant sheriff, or an aspiring politician and you just raped a girl, chances are the lawyers are going to do whatever it takes to get you off the hook. And even when there is a 21-minute tape with every second of the crime forever captured on it, its easy to deny any misdoing because,
After all,
It’s the words of three against 1.

Three against one. Even if she was conscious, how are you supposed to fight back when you’re outnumbered?

Gregory Haidl, Keith Spann, and Kyle Nachreiner chose to take turns sticking objects into this poor woman’s limp body and no matter how sad it might be that they’re serving time when “growth is exponential,” as the defense put it, I can’t imagine a punishment equal in magnitude for the pain the survivor experienced.

You may say “She shouldn’t have been drinking alone with those boys,” and to that, I say “They shouldn’t have gang-raped her.”

Understand, forcible entry by inanimate objects IS rape. Wives being forced to have sex with their husbands in the name of duty IS rape. Using power, shame, force, drugs, alcohol, or hear to get someone to sleep with you IS rape.

And if you still think that it was her fault, realize that statistically, at least a quarter of the womyn in THIS room have been raped. Can you still say THEY all deserved it too?

Why don’t people understand that you should be able to dress, act, think, move and say whatever you want without the constant fear of being raped? Why does this still go on time and time again?

So many rapes go unheard, unreported, and unbelieved, and I wish I could ram a knife through my heart just to keep from hearing about these
Crimes against humanity
that are committed every 2 minutes here in the United States.

So listen.

Do you hear that?
The silence.

That’s the sound of screams being muffled, calls to the police going un-dialed, rapes being unreported.

So the next time you turn off your ipod, quiet your television, or go out for a walk to enjoy the silence…

Just think about what you are really hearing.

:: Rick Kitagawa 4:02 PM [+] ::
...

Like I said, this is the extended version of "It's Up To You." Original and unedited, this was the poem I wrote for FemSex's final project assignment. For more poetry, check out my blog here.

It’s Up To You – Extended

Let me tell you, you aren’t alone,
I hope you know I can’t condone the terrible injustices that’ve been sown by
Monsters who can’t keep their hands to themselves.

First of all, as a heterosexual man,
I must admit I have a plan to
Drink and flirt and get up women’s skirts and make them cream til it almosts hurts, but if I’m ever hurting you, please tell me stop.
I’ll only do what you want me to do,
But I mean if it’s you I’m ready to screw, but if you don’t think you’re into me,
I’ll totally listen to your plea for me to cease and desist because I realize that if you resist
these actions simply cannot persist.

You see, I hope you know that I know that
no means NO,
Not some masked attempt that you're ready to go,
although if your fields wanna be ploughed make sure you tell me so
and verbalize that you wanna go.
But there really is a fine line between hooking up drunk at a party
and then using wine to get girls to give it up,
Cuz frankly, pushing women to drink more just so you can feel her up adn then get some more is FUCKED UP.

One more quick confessional, I don't want to lie,
I have played the part as the rebound guy. Even though at the time you were down with it, still after the fact I feel like shit, cuz
I know that your body said "yes," but your heart said "no,"
But as soon as you said "okay," I was like:
Green light=go!
If you just needed a hook up that's super and great, but if I
Made you feel like and ass, please feel free to verbally berate.

But enough about me and how I've been an ass, let's get to the point I talked about last. We need to re-educate society as a whole:
Women aren't just signs that say "Insert Here" with a hole.
Women are people.
Didn't catch that? I'll say it again.
Women are individuals that don't belong to men.
I have friends that have been raped, I don’t want to gain anymore, but it’s hard when the national rate is one women in four.

So why do you do it? Seriously? What part of RESPECT can't you just see?
And for all you molesters and rapists, keep your fucking appendages to yourself. I hope someone cuts off your dick and shoves it into your fucking mouth.

Patriarchy is just so wrong, what happened to equality? Why does your social status lie on whether your stand or sit when you pee?
See, we need to step it up and let people know
This is NOT okay, women don't deserve to be abused in any way, no matter what you say.
A woman's body belongs to hersef, she's master of her domain.
Men who think they own their wives and daughters make me fucking insane!

But women's liberation is about equality, not the oppression of men. So then realize that it's not where you've been, it's about the fact that people are genetically kin, so when you you realize ISMS are fucked up,
Sexism, racism, don't drink from the cup given to you by conservatives with their own deep issues, trying to make underprivledged people cry into tissues.
Homophobia and ableism I fucking can't stand, all you sexists and racists,
I'd be happy to backhand.

By changing our speech, it's something little we can change.
It's a lot easier than me trying to sing way out of my vocal range. Strange,
How people can still say "cunt" like it's something atrocious,
But then again I'm a 20 year-old male, so is that a bit precocious?
But fuck tradition, it's based on patriarchy;
Stop saying I'm "gay" when you have a problem with me.
Can you see how language reinforces hate? It can closet shame and break down people to a state of tired eyes and red wrists, this must stop I do insist.

So please, grow your wings, find your dreams, LOVE YOURSELF and FLY, forget grounding yourself, step off into the sky. So real quick, come count with me, we'll count in triplets, starting with three:
3, 6, 9, 12....

Fifteen is the age of a Thai girl who lives in a brothel.
Fifteen is that age of a Filipina who stands outside a bar offering twelve dollar blowjobs. Fifteen is the number of men twelve year old girls have to sleep with nearly 365 days a
year, selling themselves eighteen hours a day.
This has to stop. This has to stop. This has to stop.

Racial and gender divisions still chill me to the core:
why do we have to go and try and segregate some more?
By creating the "other" tears rain onto the floor, no more,
I know it's a chore but let's suck it up, let's GO! We have to arms ourselves,
but yes I know, it’s true it’s tough, not easy but rough,
But I like it rough, with silk scarves and handcuffs, and ..

Gags in the mouths of women everywhere, sexual abuse and tears mat down their hair, where? Right here, in this country and others, family selling sisters, not brothers, human trafficking the newest rad fad, it’s sad the state some people live. And first world nations perpetuating the trade, and the shuffle of sex slaves.
Taking women from native ethnic enclaves cuz they think that the rest of the world doesn’t care, it’s not fair, that its mostly people with dark hair that get sold, bought, inducted into the sex trade, or are maids, getting paid just enough to get by. But it seems they still live under the poverty line, cuz lies, bribes, plain kidnapping, take advantage of women and children caught napping.

So here is my plea:
Respect yourself ANd others, realize by genes we're closer than father and daughter, the slaughter needs to end, it depends on all of us to give voices back after blatant attacks on people;
Human beings.
They're people, not things.
The screams of the abused rings in my head, I see visions of those hollow inside, they breathe but are dead, they’ve died, Let’s try and change this, revolutionize your mind, leave prejudices behind in the wake, and shake these crimes against women.

See, I’d like to be swimmin’ in the nape of your neck,
And when I get a kiss I hope it’d be more than a peck,
But it’s up to you.
It’s up to you to make a difference in life,
So whether you’re after a husband or a wife, I challenge
You
To battle the system.
Think of all the fallen mothers, daughters, and sisters; women.

I’d like to be swimming in the nape of your neck..

It’s up to all of us to take a stand

If I get a kiss
Raise your voice to the heavens

If you want to…

Give me more than a peck,
Make a difference,

It’s up to you.

:: Rick Kitagawa 3:25 PM [+] ::
...

I've decided that this is no longer a poetry blog, but a place for potential art projects, ideas, etc. Woo.

Film projects: spoken word stuff for portfolio
-remake of original "honeymoon" script
-work on grate piece
-keyhole piece with murder perhaps?
reflection thing: still

This probably shouldn't make sense to any of you, but whatever. It's my blog, and I'll do what I want! (said in Eric Cartman voice)

:: Rick Kitagawa 9:18 PM [+] ::
...

Happy 8 month Anniversary Eve :)

Crimson Aurora

This violet haze sunset grips my heart as
I rip apart my mind trying to think of something clever to say.
And it’s a great day never mind the weather as even if it wasn’t sunny out I’d weather any storm by your side.
Even though these love poems have been cried dry, we’re both emo kids so you know the significance of me telling you
How much I like you.
So as we take turns taking pictures
as we sit on the beach like drifters
searching for something that can never be caught,
I smile and unexpectedly burst with laughter in my heart
As you make me giddy.
And we both have our issues, have soaked through our share of tear-streaked tissues but still you
And I try…
And that’s what counts.

And so the sunlights breaks on the wake of our anniversary, as I wake next to you
All I can do is smile.
Cuz I haven't fallen this hard for ages it seems and as we dance to Midsummer and the Autumns, I can't help but to let my heart smile and beam cuz it seems that every moment with you deserves to be locked away and protected with drastic measures
And I treasure every second with you like
Planning back-country hiking trips underneath the stars,
Like
Shopping at Ranch 99 and you buying food that reminds you of home,
Like,
Visiting Monterey Bay Aquarium and you giggling at the octopus and the sea otters,
Like,
You being close to me.
And as I try to memorize Japanese words like
Kawaii and
Kirei and
Aishteru, I'm always okay-des when I'm with you. Cuz you see,
You bring out the child in me that laughs and plays and paints and sings and dreams,
And it seems like we can stitch the seams that we need to keep our torn hearts together, as we sew bits of leather and stuff feathers into stuffed toys of our own design.
And I know my past is catching up with no matter how fast I fly,
But my Sky is clear, and we both know what it's like to never want to look back.
And like a train off the tracks I can be reckless at times
But I know you have what I lack as we try to be the parts the other is missing,
And as we're kissing I feel like the worlds is never going to end
As I imagine a scared little boy extending his hand to
A scared little girl who is lost in a tree house holding a little stuffed animal named Pinky.
So I know we're not perfect but it's worth it to take a chance and start over with you.
So as the sun breaks open the sky like an egg,
Let this crimson aurora be the death of
you and I
and the birth of
Us.

:: Rick Kitagawa 2:33 PM [+] ::
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Not quite a poem, but whatever. Hopefully more stuff will appear here soon. I'm getting back into writing, so yeah. A true (?) story.

Princess Kaguya of the Moon people descended to Earth long ago. Stunningly beautiful, with flowing white hair and pale blue skin, she was a kind, wonderful woman who all could agree was simply lovely.

She fell in love with a man who, unbeknownst to her, was a price of the Flame. His lineage was that of royalty as well, and he was a kind and honorable man who many regarded as the future of their kingdom. Shining black hair, a lustry fire in his eyes, this prince was one that even a princess could fall in love with.

However, these two were never supposed to fall in love. But yet, love knows no bounds, and ensnared these two in it's grips.

Kaguya and this unnamed prince were separated, and the prince was told that his beloved had left him. Stricken with grief, he climbed to the top of a volcano, and threw himself in, offering his body and soul back to whence it came. Kaguya broke free of her captors too late, and as she mourned the loss of her lover, her heart turned cold and icy, and the crystal that housed her spirit turned black as pitch.

Fast forward hundreds of years. On another plane, two people fall deeply in love. One was a young woman blessed with wisdom and cursed with experiences far beyond that expected of her age. Cool and collected, this young woman was sought out to comfort others, yet a churning wave of dispair seemingly awaiting her at every turn. The other was a young man, daring and reckless, burning with a passion that had been twice extinguished, only to return with a new furty. Explosive and forceful, this young man took on the responsibility of a world needing something better.

This couple decides to try, and while climbing numerous hurdles and two pasts haunted by countless ghosts, they succeed. However, the one thing that makes this couple unique, is that they can see into the other world. The young woman knows of Kaguya, her people, a land of ice, a land of fire, and the timeless war that wages between the people of Fire and Ice.

Princess Kaguya has morphed into something much more vile than before. Her cruel heart has sent her on a quest for dominion over the Ice Land, stealing people's souls and using their crystals to fuel her campaign to rule over her adopted world. The only thing that stands against her is a band of rebels, led by a Snow Elf of great power, who wants to find the true Ice Princess and restore her to her rightful place on the thrown.

Kaguya has found unlikely allies in some of the lower-ranked Fire demons, who's lust for killing anything of the snow has brought them into a dangerous alliance with Kaguya's troops. As the final war breaks out, both sides seek the true Princess of the Ice; Kaguya seeks to destroy her, and the rebels seek her for salvation.

The rebels find her first. Her spirit that embodying the young woman. In short, they must rip her soul from this world to rule over that of the Ice World.

And now the author is tired of trying to be flowery, and is going to get real. So the young woman is my girlfriend, Eve, and the young man is me. It turns out that one night, the lady-friend gets possessed. Well, she actually has her soul ripped from her body and transported into their world. In her place, they send a snow elf to try and take her place. This does not fly well by me.

I basically threaten the elf with fire magic, and the elf yields, warning me that if I blast the elf back into it's own world, it won't bring my girlfriend back. Thinking it's better to live with a vegetable than live with a puppet, I blast it back to whence it came. Her body goes slack. I carry her onto my bed where I plead with her to come back. The tears come, but she doesn't.

Fortunately, the elf does. And we start to talk. They need her to break through the magical field surrounding Kaguya's castle. She has used the might of thousands of souls to build an impenetrable field around her castle. I say "fuck that," and ready my fire dragon to break through that. I summon the elf's rebel leader, and we negotiate. I help destroy the castle, they leave us alone for good.

Suddenly, I am transported to their world, and I find myself riding a magnificent dragon made of fire. As we speed towards the castle, Eve realizes that by ourselves, we aren't strong enough. So she summons her ice phoenix, and the two great beasts merge into one magnificent creature and as we fly at the barrier, we unleash our attacks and the shell cracks, then explodes in a hail of mystical energy. Our creatures unfuse, and my dragon starts ripping through the castle. Finally, we spot Kaguya in a tower, and Zenzaku the dragon hurls himself through the base of the tower, bringing it and her tumbling to the ground.

I find myself back in our world, and alongside Eve's body. She looks at me, and I realize that it is still not her. She places her hand on my chest and says "Thank you. If you ever need us, we will come." And suddenly a sliver of cold penetrates my chest and I shudder as my girlfriend suddenly comes to. Fuck.

As Eve returns to her body, we embrace and kiss and cry as we're back together again, in our world. Wondering what it was the ice rebels gave me, I suddenly realized that I had mastery of ice magic as well. Interesting.

Fast forward a few months. Relative few demons have attacked us since then, and life seems to be back to normal.

Then Kaguya returns. Dispossessed of her army and her castle, as well as her horde of crystals, she wants revenge on me and my dragon, and what better way then to hurt the person I love?

After numerous attempts at stealing Eve away from me, things begin to calm down again. But then winter strikes, and as the temperature drops, the attacks become more fierce.

So Eve and I return from seeing a play, and as soon as she walks into her apartment, she knows something is up. Suddenly, she falls to the floor faster than I could catch her. I start using dispel magic and fire magic to try and fight off whatever was attacking her, when suddenly, she goes limp.

Then, she thrashes a bit, and turns over. As I crouch over her and turn her face over, I see a smile that isn't hers. She begins to look around, taking in her new surroundings, and I ask her "Who are you?"

I get no reply. I start funnelling magic into my hands, and I send two lumps of fire magic into her chest. She convulses, then she starts to laugh a mean laugh, mocking my attempts to dispel the Princess of the Moon. Kaguya, using Eve's body, stares me in the eyes as I summon my fire dragon. I suddenly release my first stage attack as the energy of Zenzaku poured into Eve's body. In turn, Kaguya suddenly threw her hands onto my chest and released an even stronger blast of ice energy into me. As we increased the amount of raw elemental power we were fighting with, Kaguya began to create blades of ice energy on her hands and started clawing at my chest. I released all the fire energy I could into her, and she fell back against the bean bag she was laying on, breathing hard.

I then realized that she was too strong. I knew I could not just force her out like any lesser demon coming to possess her. So I turned my thoughts inward, and located the black crystal I had been given at Kaguya's last defeat.

"Is this yours?" Kaguya didn't answer. "I know that you've been hurt, and that this cannot make up for what has happened to you. But if it will help make things better for you, I offer you what is yours. I offer you this crystal on the condition that you return Eve to me. I love her. And she loves me. And I just want her back."

Kaguya turned towards me. She motioned for me to come closer.
"You look like him. Did you know that?" I saw hatred disappearing from her eyes, and a cold, eternal sorrow take it's place.

"Come here, boy." She beckoned with her hand for me to draw even closer. She took my head in her hand and kissed me on the forehead. "Thank you."

Suddenly, Eve was convulsing in my arms and I was crying as I knew it was Eve again. I held her close as I couldn't stop crying. I was overrun with emotions; relief and joy that Eve was back, and a deep sorrow for Kaguya. As I looked into her eyes before she left, I saw a lifetime of pain. Of loss. Of being alone. And having seen lesser versions of that same torment in those I care about brought me to my knees.

You may think this author crazy. But I vowed to tell her story. To let others know that she was not all evil. That she was just a woman in pain.

Eve painted a picture of a snow elf almost a year ago, when she was going through some hard times. Eve never finished it, but it lay there unfinshed next to her closet. The elf's expression was that of sadness, with a creased brow and eyes that, although closed, were deeply hurt. After Kaguya was given her crystal back and Eve was returned to this plane, I looked again at the painting, and a single tear drop was painted falling from the elf's eye.

As I looked at the untouched paintbrushes and bottles of paint lying around, I asked Eve if she had worked on that painting at all. She had not.

:: Rick Kitagawa 4:21 PM [+] ::
...

Every time I suck it up,
But now I feel the cracks and what not,
This is my suicide poem.

I haven't felt the urge for a while
To jump in front of a moving train
Because I'm curious as what it feel like.
Blades slicing through skin to let me know
I feel alive
Rest trapped inside a kitchen drawer.
8th floor windows can easily be broken to
Get a better look at a landing site,
And I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find too many
Maximum Strength-Advil, since Tylenol is over-used.

But pain and blood and death are the easiest tools to yield,
And I don't deserve something that simple.

:: Rick Kitagawa 11:52 PM [+] ::
...

This outer shell starts to crack
As the dam busts inside of me.
Correspondance left unanswered, phone calls skipped,
All because I don't like talking to people.
Ever since I was small I didn't like to pick up the phone.
I never liked calling people.
I've been a lot better recently,
But all the calls I really need to make
Are left
Behind.

:: Rick Kitagawa 1:15 PM [+] ::
...