:: Boy In Corner ::

:: Thursday, August 14, 2003 ::

Outside It's Sunny


Drapes pulled aside, I begin to peer in.

The cheery white-picket fenced cottage stands before me,
And I imagine blueberry pancakes served hot every morning,
Tall glasses of pulpy orange juice and cotten candy pillows fluffing the
Loveseat.
I smile at made-up memories of the house's inhabitants
Opening golden gifts at Christmas,
Passing large pots of homemade mashed potatoes
And gravy.
My mind sees the family with happy children,
A loving marriage,
Financial security,
And a fun loving dog that has been alive for ages but is still in good health.
Outside, it's sunny, cheery, happy, wonderful.
Outside, it's amazing, loving, and warm.
Outside, there is nothing that could possibly shake the foundation of this wonder,
Outside, it's sunny.

Drapes pulled aside, my face grows closer to the glass.

I shake with excitement, of being privileged,
No, honored,
To take a slight glimpse into what must be the perfect life.
Smiles plasted everywhere, happiness pouring out of people
Like water from the filtered water faucet they must have in their tidy tiled kitchen.
A roast is probably cooking in the oven,
While the kids are finishing their homework and moving onto
Their video games and books.
The mother is probably listening to music as she cooks,
And the father is right there next to her
Occasionally spinning her to the tunes.

Drapes pulled aside, I look in.

My eyes burn. Inside, I find hatred, torment, pity, loss.
Inside is a rotting body of an old woman in her bed,
Cancerious ovaries that once brought life now slowly killing her,
Flesh and organs turning to liquid.
Inside are a brother and sister fighting, blows exchanged, harsh words,
Sickly parents tearing their children apart.
Inside is a child pushed to excel due to his parents going bankrupt,
Tormented by the thought of not getting a scholarship to that Ivy League school.
Inside is a couple who's love has turned one sided long ago,
A bridge shattered by countless arguements and the loss of hope.
Inside is a child who pleads for attention, yet finds none from his parents,
Who pass him over for his older brother.
Inside is a son, who's greatest fear is being forgotten,
Who reaches out and hopes to a God he doesn't believe in that he will find the one for him.
Inside is an aunt, stabbed to death by her husband,
An innocent woman murdered at the peak of her life.
Inside is a young man, mourning his lost lover and trying to move on,
But who will forever be caught in her distant gravitational field.
Inside is countless family members killed by lung cancer,
The cigarette smoke still fresh in their veins and clothing.
Inside is a boy disillusioned with life, as he holds the burden of the world on his shoulders.
And cannot put it down.
Inside is a brother, who is the shining star of the family,
That fell from grace in shame, guilt, and anger.
Inside are the parents, who feel as if they failed,
Their child a common criminal, hiding behind a golden past.
Inside is a college student who tries not to go home to visit,
Trying to sever ties to the broken home from which he came.
Inside is fear, shame, guilt, lust, greed, and hate.
Inside is death, poverty, manipulation, anger, and vanity.
Inside is low self-esteem, depression, confusion, and pain.
Inside
is darkness.

Drapes pulled aside, I look again at the mirror,
And my lip trembles as I try not to cry.

:: Rick Kitagawa 11:19 PM [+] ::
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